Chaotic Mutterings

Alaina Bree

2012-02-10T20:25:00.006-06:00

So she finally made her appearance...granted it was 2 months ago. She is absolutely perfect in every way and is my absolute angel.

Yes, she's been in the hospital at 1 month, has refused to eat, and is in OT but this girl is my soul. The one I'll pass all my "girly" knowledge to. The one who will fight me on everything as soon as those teenage years hit. The one I'll want to harm boys over who don't recognize how amazing she is.

And as of Thursday she's already hit 2 months and in 10 more I'll be celebrating her year. After that it'll be like she's going off to kindergarten so fast. She's my only little girl and my princess.

Truths

2011-10-24T09:54:00.002-05:00

So I'm on the home stretch in this pregnancy and to say I was happy about this revelation would be an understatement. My body has officially checked out. Given up. Done. Imagine something that is made for an object of 50 lbs now has 100 lbs crammed in there, this is basically how I feel everyday.

I hate complaining about these things though. I'm always scared I'm gonna offend those who want to be pregnant, but can't. Or those who were pregnant and have lost their baby somewhere along the way before their due date. But to act like everything is alright is not me and the truth is me and pregnancy just don't jive well.

There's also the fact that I know I'm not really living this pregnancy up, knowing it'll be my last one. There hasn't been any celebrating her kicks and movements, taking belly pics to look at later in life with her. Instead there's griping about the swelling, lack of sleep, and general uncomfortableness I'm feeling. I feel like I've robbed myself and her of those intimate moments between mom and child that no one else can see or feel.

Kellen has been having a hard time understanding why mommy can't play with him like I used to. Saturday I broke down (unfortunately in front of him) because he wanted to play tag and my body just simply wouldn't allow it. I hate that I'm not the mother to him that I should be, that I'm jeopordizing our time together. I've tried explaining that once I'm not pregnant things will be normal again, but I know that's not truth. Then comes the hard task of giving both my kids the equal amount of time in a day when that's not always going to be possible. I feel like I'm already failing at this mother of two thing and I haven't even started.

And don't get my me started on the fact that we haven't even named her, that's a whole other post that I'm too mentally wiped out to entertain.

Long time gone

2011-08-24T14:02:00.005-05:00

So yeah, it's been a while. Too say I've been overwhelmed is an understatement. After finding out we were expecting again, my husband and I put our house on the market and it sold within 3 weeks. While it was a total blessing we had no where to go until we found a new place. Enter my parents house.

We've been here since May and are currently still here. To say it's been hard is not giving the situation justice. The whole experience of going from a family of 3 to being moved into a house with my parents has not been easy on any of us. Especially Kellen who doesn't understand where his things are and why we don't go "home" everyday.

The silver lining is we have put an offer in on a home, they have accepted and we are waiting now for the all clear signal to move in! Which is a positive because it means my new baby will have a home ha! Oh and it's a GIRL!

working itself out

2011-04-10T17:15:00.003-05:00

While packing some of my house up recently (you'll understand more on that later), I ran across something I had written last November.

"Some days I feel in total despair. When I see others announcing they're expecting again I feel the green-eyed monster take over me. A feeling that is never comfortable to have.
I wonder how others can manage to afford, manage a whole new lifestye with a second child. I would love to give Kellen someone to have that sibling bond with. Most times though I'm pulled back to reality that it's probably more than we could handle.
I love my son-his smile, personality, smell, laugh-he is my whole heart. I can't help but wonder if we are missing out on something more as a family."

It's hard to admit those things to yourself and others. When you are envious of others, it's never a pretty sight.

I found out last month that I am expecting. At first all my fears came back and I cried, and not tears of joy. By late that afternoon, I was over the moon with excitement. We are jumping in full force and hoping we don't sink.

My due date is exactly a year from when I wrote this last November. Some things are just meant to be and he will now have that bond I have craved for him

Internet fame

2011-02-18T18:45:00.002-06:00

I've learned many lessons since having Kellen about little boys. My biggest lesson learned is that I can not keep clothes of his in good condition. The wears of daycare, projects, and rough-housing outside keeps his clothes looking well-worn.

In Arkansas we have a wonderful consignor event that a lady started up out of the living room of her home. Fast forward many years later and it's now in nearly 15 states. Rhea Lana's is a mom's dream and I get super excited when the event rolls around in the spring and fall.

One of the best things about the event, is I can consign Kellen's clothes and break even on the purchases I make. It's super easy to consign and I also work the event which makes it fun as well.

I'm featured on their blog today for an "incident" of mine that happened a few seasons back. I was shocked to see the story today as I scrolled through my reader and my face popped up! ha If this event is anywhere near you, I suggest you check it out and see what a great find it is!

http://www.rhealananetwork.com/blog/a-funny-thing-happened

Broken

2010-11-10T19:32:00.003-06:00

No, I'm not upset or doing this purposely to you. (unless you're an in-law, then maybe ha! ) I smashed my finger in between a door frame and a tv and this was the result--a broken finger and sprained hand. I dropped the tv immediately and my finger was already a nice shade of blue. I KNEW it was serious. I headed for a second opinion this morning and the doctor concurred that it was broken. Which makes my desk job of primarily typing REALLY enjoyable!

I just recovered from my last surgery (having my bladder removed), and now I have to wait for 2 weeks to see if I need an orthopedic surgeon to reset my bone. *sigh* Such is life I suppose.

UPDATE: and my son just chunked a basketball and pegged me in the eye. Black eye here I come.

Outloud

2010-09-14T18:20:00.004-05:00

I'm facing something this week that I've never had to worry about before. I've dodged the question from friends wondering why I've been absent at events, smile through the pain when one of my attacks happen. I've kept this secret from everyone except my husband and parents. I'm having surgery this week. Is it a major, life-threatening surgery? No. But when it's you and your body, you tend to think of all the what-ifs. I know I'll be fine, that it's for the best, but it still worries me. I'm scared. There I said it, something I never admit. Sometimes I have to let go and remember what I continue to "be" for.

He is my constant.

Helping hand

2010-09-14T15:04:00.003-05:00

I've always been a little skeptical of "fundraisers" put on by individuals. I guess you could say being burned by this thing before has made me leery of people. I've been following the journey of this family for a while now. Collecting cans at our work has been the extent of my helping ways. When I received the email for their new project in helping aid the homecoming of their adopted daughter I knew I had to pass it on. One because I love me some t-shirts (ha!) and secondly I feel like it's time to give these people and little girl the chance to come together as a family. Please check out their blog and help any way that you can.

http://ourgiftsfromgod-jenny.blogspot.com

Toddler Years

2010-04-23T06:29:00.003-05:00

Kellen-
My little guy—I can’t believe you are 2 years old. It seems like yesterday your daddy and I were bringing you home from the hospital, completely terrified. We spent those first 3 months in a fog of formula, diapers, and no sleep. We cuddled you when you’d let us and watched you grow every day. I feel like we just did the birthday thing yesterday and here we are, celebrating again. Sometimes I wish I could bottle you up and keep you this way

I have been having a hard time communicating with you. I guess what it is, is I want to rush through stuff, and you want to take your time. When you put your clothes on, you want to pick and choose your outfit. And sometimes you want to put everything on yourself. You do not want any help from me. So, sometimes it takes a while, and if I grab your shirt, move it, or do anything to help you, you scream at me, and start over again. It can get very tiring. Sometimes it takes ten minutes just to get your shirt on.

Everything must be done your way, right down to the color of the bowl or sippy cut that you use. If you don't get it exactly how you want it, you scream. And scream. And, while you're screaming, I’m showing you every single color bowl or cup until I find the right one—the right color for you. Sometimes I think it's because you are not quite talking yet. Other times, I think it's just you--your personality. And, I will admit, it has been hard on us. Frustrating for us and frustrating for you.

Everyday is an adventure with you. You have become such a ham, making us all laugh, then you die laughing yourself. Like you know exactly what you were doing all along. You’re sweetness shines through so brightly. Every morning we have our snuggle time in the bed or on the couch. And you pull me close to you and wrap your arm around my neck and we lay there until your ready to get up. I, though, am never ready for it to end.

With that said, I cannot imagine my life without you. When I’m frustrated from my day, I can come home and see your smiling face. When I think there is no good left in the world, I look over at you and your innocence and my faith is renewed. You have made me a better person—you have made me a mom.

A Plague

2010-01-08T10:22:00.004-06:00

I've felt like these past two months our house, more like my son, has been under siege. First there was the Swine Flu that invaded back during Halloween. Next, during our Thanksgiving break he got bronchitis and received 2 antibiotics and a steroid to take. It's always fun to wrestle things away from a juiced-up toddler.

We'll go onto December where he caught hand, foot, & mouth disease and had horrible sores and bumps on his tongue, lips, and face. Try googling mouth sores at work and see what you get, then explaining why you have STD viruses on your computer history.

Next on Christmas Day a lovely case of double pink eye was waiting for him! Not only that, it went into the tissue behind his eye and infected that. Turning him into a boxer that just got his cute little baby behind handed to him in a daycare fight. See exhibit A

Also on that visit we were told a staph infection had grown in his toe....great.

But alas he's a tough little one and has conquered all. And then we get up this morning to the most horrid cough ever and projective spit-up. UGH, spit-up!! I remember now why I say no more kids! So it's back to the doctor we go.

Do they have punch cards there for free visits after the fifth?

2009-11-16T17:05:00.004-06:00

I have been so preoccupied with other activities going on in our lives that I haven't gotten around to posting about my little man's Halloween. We didn't have an eventful Halloween, but just hung out with our family. Kellen had the flu the whole week of Halloween and I was fearful that we were going to miss out on everything.

We had his first Halloween party at his new daycare. It was his first day back from being sick and he still wasn't feeling that well. It was held the Friday before Halloween and they had music, goody bags, and cupcakes. You can see from the picture how "clean" of an eater my kid is and how he loves his sweets!

That evening we went to an event in my husband's hometown called Monsters on Mainstreet where all the business pass out candy to the little kids dressed up in costumes. We walked around the downtown area for about an hour until it got dark and cold then headed home.

The next day was Halloween and we just headed down to my parents house. There really isn't a lot to do around here for Kellen's age group so we just took him around to some of our close family member's houses. They all needed to see the Buccaneer Pirate.

Now, we are just preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas and all the good food that comes with it!!

Whoa...

2009-10-23T10:51:00.004-05:00

Look at me! Two blog posts in one week! Now that doesn't happen around here very often. Today is a special day though, it's my baby boy's 1 &1/2 year old birthday. What's that you say? That's not even a real birthday? Ok, maybe it's not, but it's still such an amazing thing to be a part of. Not only is he a year and a half, but I have been a mom for a year and a half. That's pretty special if you ask me. To have this wonderful life that relies completely on you and seeing them grow in front of your eyes each day....wow! How awesome is that?! I've been sitting here today, trying to picture him at 18 years old and what kind of man he has become. I quickly snap back to reality because I realize how wonderful of a boy he is now--at 18 months old.

*Yeah, that's the look I get--like, "Mom, seriously?? Another picture??" And I just have to say, "Yeah, my Kellen-bug, just a couple hundred more pics before we're done."

Another month gone by....

2009-10-21T18:12:00.002-05:00

Gosh, I just can't seem to get in the hang of blogging. I try, but it seems something always takes precedent. Maybe that should be my New Year's Resolution??

We've been struggling around here some. Keith's grandmother has passed this month and we are just working on getting back into a "normal" routine. You never know how people are going to react to death and it's been rough. All we can do is love the ones in your life and tell them that everyday. Sounds simple enough, right?

Kellen will be 18 months! this Friday and has started a new daycare this week. He brought home his first "artwork" today and I just bawled. Who would have ever imagined that a few lines scribbled on construction paper would turn me to mush!

Halloween is coming soon and I can't wait to get Kellen dressed up. Plus, I'm curious to see if he'll stay in his costume. He has a mind of his own and I don't see him wanting to be in a costume, but I'm hoping for a few pictures at least.

Long time, no blog...

2009-09-13T15:26:00.003-05:00

So, I'm still having trouble posting picture which I'll use as my excuse for not doing any posts recently! :) But things have just been the same ol', same ol' around here.

I actually decided to return to school this year, which I'm finding hard to balance with a full time job, a growing toddler, marriage, etc. I know it's for the best and it'll get easier as it goes along.

Kellen has decided he is the boss of our world and is not afraid to let that fact be known! lol He has his own (strong) personality and I just pray we can live through the terrible two's, three's, four's, or however long they last. (and we're just at 17months!!!) He's getting so smart and is trying to copy everything is his big brother does.

Speaking of Ethan, he has started 6th grade!! I can't believe it, he is such a little man now! His football season has started, so we will be consumed with that for the next 2 months.

Keith and I actually got a night away together last weekend and went to the Hogs game. We tailgated and got to see the Hogs kick some butt! :) Just hoping it's like that all year.

Well, just a little catch up post until I can figure out this picture thing! UGH!!!

Just a little light reading...

2009-07-24T21:17:00.004-05:00

100_1890
Originally uploaded by amberdawnw07

Well, it was fun while it lasted. You know, the ability to walk out of a room and know my son wasn't going to be causing himself any bodily harm. Ah, I'll miss those days. Now I have to wonder if I'm going to walk in and find him like this again...

Yes, sitting on my kitchen table. He now finds that the most enjoyable thing to do. Ahhh, I'll miss my carefree days.

Wiggle

2009-05-03T18:53:00.000-05:00

I don't know what's been wrong with me this weekend, but I've been in a funk. Maybe it's the weather and the fact it's been raining here since Friday. Maybe cabin fever is setting in, but whatever it is I'm going stir crazy! I think Kellen is starting to feel the same way.

He couldn't even bring himself to show his face for the camera! I'm actually happy tomorrow is Monday and looking forward to work and Kellen getting to go to daycare and play with his friends.

On a bright note, I got my bday present last night. Granted, my birthday isn't until June 1st, but we got a wild hair about 9 last night to go buy stuff. I FINALLY got a laptop! We've never had a need for one because we bought a brand new desktop when we got engaged as a present to one another and that was just 2 years ago. Then when we got pregnant, it was hard to justify another computer for just the 2 of us while we were having to furnish a nursery. But we both need to work from home sometimes so we went last night and I am in love! :)

Have I told you my other new love? Well, actually there is 4 of them, but don't worry....they know about one another. You may have heard of them ,The Wiggles?? They have a bond with my son like no other television personalities out there and oh, how they bring me joy! I can turn an episode on and actually get things accomplished! No, I'm not opposed to television teaching my child! :) haha In all seriousness though, they have stolen my heart and I think Kellen's as well.

A year has come and gone...

2009-04-30T08:25:00.000-05:00

Well, my baby has turned one and I didn't take it as hard as I thought. We got Kellen's haircut for the first time so he now looks like this:

The party went pretty well. We had a great turnout of 40 people and no rain! Praise the Lord! Some of our friends with their babies got to come and it was great to see them and how much they had grown. Here's the bday boy enjoying his cupcake and some of his presents. Overall, a great day if you ask me!

I now feel sort of lost. I've been planning this party for so long, I don't know what to do with myself now that it's over with!! lol I'm sure I can find something else to keep myself busy with though!

I am excited about getting a night out this weekend with my girls! It's been so long since I've had one of those and it's almost a necessity for me so I can recharge my batteries and get refocused! I've had the same group of friends since grade school and I love getting together with them! We know each other so well and we always have a good time when we're together!

Letters

2009-04-23T08:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Stye on my eye,
Seriously, you couldn’t have come at a worse time. Don’t you know I have a party to plan, pictures to be in, and not to mention you hurt like a mother! You have never decided to grace me with your presence before, so why now?? If you could just go on your merry little way that would be just grand. Thanks!

Dear Kellen’s 1 year birthday,
Seriously, you already? How did you sneak up on me so fast? I was literally pushing him out a year ago today this very minute. Where has the time gone? I want my small baby back who would cuddle opposed to the one who is independent and doesn’t need his momma now. I know this is just the beginning, but man you snuck up on me big time!

Dear Walmart Cashier,
Seriously, carding me for Nyquil?? What the crap?? Do I look like a teeny bopper to you? I’m in my late 20’s! I know one day I’ll be grateful for looking young and blah blah blah, but come on now…NYQUIL!!

Dear Life and Death (on a serious note),

Life-thank you for giving me such a wonderful son to enjoy and love and spend every day with for that I am truly grateful! Death-why must I keep hearing about this wonderful babies that keep being taken from their families. You can SUCK IT!

Sincerely,

The momma of a 1-year old, who she herself looks 14, with a stye in her eye, and who just doesn't get the world.

2009-04-02T13:21:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so it's April 2nd and yeah, it's been forever since I've posted. But this is mainly for me anyway so what's it to ya?? :) Kellen is growing up into my handsome little man

This is him at 10 months old, tired of me making him pose for pics I'm sure. He has started walking and talking (no momma yet, which saddens me to the ends of the earth!) I am planning his 1st (wow!) birthday party for later this month I can't wait. I know he won't understand the big to do, but I will and that's all that matters, right? ;)

December already?!

2008-12-02T15:04:00.000-06:00

I cannot believe how fast the year has gone. If feels like yesterday, I was getting to the "miserable" part of being preggo and wishing for it all to be over with. Now, my baby's first Christmas is approaching and it is happening so fast!

We had a great, but too short of a Thanksgiving break. Ate too much, slept too much, and just relaxed. Along with Kellen's first Thanksgiving holiday, he got to swing for the first time!

We got to go visit all of our family and just spend some good time with them. We relaxed for the rest of the weekend and watched the Hogs beat LSU!!

I also started decorating for Christmas and Kellen decided to help me. Granted, it added a couple of hours to deocrating, but it was too much fun!

We are going to see Santa tonight and here's to hoping that Kellen loves him and doesn't throw a screaming fit. Not that my child would EVER do that! :)

I'm a awful blogger!

2008-11-25T14:35:00.001-06:00

Yes, I know...it's been almost 3 months since I've posted anything! I have no excuse really, just been busy with work and getting ready for the holidays. As you can guess alot has gone on since my last blog. Halloween has came and went and we had so much fun! Kellen was a giraffe, which is pretty ironic considering how short he is! :)

He turned 7 months old this past Sunday (11-23-08) and has been getting into everything! When he was 6 months old he started crawling and now he is pulling up on everything, which means in turn he is falling alot more!! He's also became quite a little character and loves to show the camera attention.

He's also learning how to drink out of a sippy cup which I cannot wait for him to accomplish!!

I get off early for the holiday break tomorrow and will get to spend the rest of the week with him..I miss those times. Happy Thanksgiving to all and have a great one!

Back from a great weekend

2008-09-08T15:14:00.000-05:00

Well, our family is exhausted from this past weekend. There was so much to do and not enough time! Ethan also got to come stay with us for the first time since school started so we were very excited!

Friday night we had the grandkids (Ethan, Kellen, and Logan) take their Grandma MJ out to eat for grandparents day. I would have a picture from the occasion, but I forgot the camera, plus my little one was not that happy to be eating out. Needless to say, he officially embarrassed us in a restaurant for the first time. But it was fun to be out with this group of Keith's family. We don't get to do it near enough.

Saturday I was throwing a baby shower so Kellen went to stay with his Nana and Pa (my parents). He was a little angel, so they say, except for his naptimes and bedtime. Yes, my son has begun fighting sleep! It is the most stressful thing for all of us! There is nothing you can do to make him feel better! Hopefully this is a stage we will soon grow out of. The baby shower was a success and it was good to hang around with old friends. Check out the cake...it is so adorable!

Sunday I went down to church for Grandparents Day and to pick up my baby! Megan brought my nephew Lawson also, some mom was on cloud nine. We went back to my parents for a while, then it was time to get the little guy home.

Sorry this is so short....I'll try and post more later.

Too much to do

2008-09-02T09:02:00.000-05:00

Well, it's back to work after a long weekend. Blah! Kellen had a pretty eventful weekend though. We are still getting used to the cereal and he's actually starting to enjoy it. He opens his mouth when he sees the spoon coming in and takes the food right in. The only problem is he has learned to do the "motor boat" sound, so the majority of the food ends up on his chest and on me. Oh well, I love this and he does too!

Saturday we went down for Ethan's football jamboree and Kellen loved it! He's such an outdoors baby and I have no idea where he gets that from! It got a little hot though so we had to leave a little early. I was just hoping he didn't get a sunburn, but we at least got to wear a hat someone bought us! He's excited though for the next game he'll get to attend!

Sunday he went to the mall and he just adores being there. He loves to look at all the sights, sounds, and the bright lights! Plus he likes to check out the other little babies strolling along. We went to Red Lobster and he slept right through dinner like a pro. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but this was just his second time in a restaurant so it's still a little scary...mainly for his mom! His cousin Logan got to come up and play with him and that always puts him in a good mood. Those two are going to be trouble together I can already tell.

Monday we went shopping for a Halloween costumes and I'm so indecisive. Kellen isn't as worried as I am about this, but it's his first Halloween! He has to be adorable his costume, but still comfortable, which is a lot easier said than done.

Oh, and mommy got a haircut this weekend! It was mainly for Kellen because I loved, loved, loved, my long hair, but he has started pulling on it and getting it wrapped around his little fingers. I hope he knows the sacrifice I made!! hehe

I promise I'm going to get better at this blogging. Working full-time and being a new mommy takes it's toll on you. When I get a free moment, I just want to sit down and relax! But I'm going to try harder!

And a big GO HOGS GO on their win this past Saturday! Can't wait for the rest of the season!

First cereal feeding

2008-08-29T09:50:00.000-05:00

Well, last night we started Kellen out of solid foods. First up, rice cereal! After everyone telling me how bad he was going to hate it I was a little scared. Much to my surprise, he did very well. He didn't gobble it down, but it wasn't all over the walls, ceilings, and furniture like I was lead to believe it would be. He nibbled on the spoon and would roll the cereal around in his mouth and granted, more ended up on him, but it was overall and good experience. Yay for us!!

First blog

2008-08-29T09:37:00.000-05:00

Well, since Kellen is now 4 months old, you can tell I'm a little late starting this. So, I'll do a little background info to get caught up.

My name is Amber and I am in my mid-20's and a first time mom to my adorable little boy. My husband Keith and I have been married since March '07 and live in Arkansas. In August '07 we found out I was pregnant and Kellen James joined our family on April 23, 2008. I also have a wonderful stepson named Ethan who is 10 years old.

There are no amount of words that convey how blessed with have been with Kellen, but I started this blog to keep others updated on his life who don't get to see him on a regular basis. While some of our activities are boring, I hope you will enjoy reading about them nonetheless.